Calming a Child that Misses Their Parents

There are numerous phrases children say that any babysitter, teacher, or counselor despises hearing, but one of the most common ones has to be “I want my mommy and daddy.”  It is impossible to work with children and not hear this phrase. Usually, it is accompanied by inconsolable cries and tears, so it is important to know how to calm down a child when they are missing their parents. 

Understand the Reason Why

Especially with younger children, there can be any number of reasons why they might be crying for their parents, and the first step in calming them down will always be understanding why they are wanting their parents in the moment. Are they experiencing separation anxiety? Are they unused to their parents leaving for extended periods of time? Did they just get hurt? Are they scared? Often, a child will call for their parents when they need comfort, so by identifying the cause behind their desire, you can step in and give them the assurance they need. 

Comfort Them

The next logical step would be to offer them the comfort they are needing at the moment. It is vital that you first begin this by understanding and validating their feelings. It is terrifying if the people you trust most in the world and rely on for everything suddenly leave you in the hands of someone you don’t know. Even we get scared when we experience extreme deviations from what we typically are familiar with; how much more would a child be scared when they are taken out of their familiar environment? 

By showing them that you understand their fear and feelings, you become their ally instead of putting them on the defensive. Some methods to create that initial bond would be getting down on their level, literally. You will be surprised by how much kneeling or sitting down so you could be at their eye level will help solidify yourself as someone who can be trusted. You can also be vulnerable with them in return. Sharing that you also miss your parents or friends can allow them to realize that you know what they are going through and can help. 

Then you can begin comforting them. Reassure them that their parents are coming back and that their parents still love them. One way you could do this is by asking them to show how much they love their parents and then spread out your arms and say that you bet their parents love them that much. (If they are calm enough, you can make this a competition and try to distract them.) Your main goal with comforting the child is to calm them down so that you can focus their attention on something else rather than their missing parents. 

Distract Them

Distracting the kids with something else can be an excellent way to get their minds off of their parents. However, it is only an effective method when the child is relatively calm and can focus on something else. This means that it should be used either as a preventative measure or once you have calmed them down because otherwise, they won’t be receptive to your attempts. But distractions are an excellent transition to more fun games or activities. 

There are an infinite amount of ways to distract the kids, so be creative. You can have them create letters for their parents or bake them something. You could also play a different game or start a coloring page. Basically, anything that can transition them from constantly worrying and wanting their parents will be the perfect distraction. 

Even though having children crying for their parents is an inescapable aspect of working with kids, it is possible to calm them down and have a great rest of the day with them. Sometimes all a kid needs is just a little bit of extra care in order to thrive in their new environment.